I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
