i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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