At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
