Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
