He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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