I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
