omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
