he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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