My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
