you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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