The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
