when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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