I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
