I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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