Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
