Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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