just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
