I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
high people should be assigned attendants
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
