Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
did you just send me my own nude
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
