i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize