3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
