He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
