yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
