I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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