Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
