If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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