Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
