for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
