He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
