I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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