i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
