do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
