Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
