Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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