Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She's like a pop up book from hell.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
