About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
