Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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