If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
