Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
