I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize