He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
