It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
