Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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