he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Couch. On fire.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
