What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
