just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
