i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
