Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
