u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
