Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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