So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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