I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
