are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize