I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
