You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
