i permit you to call me
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
