I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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