8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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