I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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