I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
