But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Randomize