So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
