i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
