My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
