i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
