You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You can't just leave with hair like that
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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