You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
