That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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