She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Enjoy the penises
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
