i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
