He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
