They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
