Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
