its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
