I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
