we're blogging at a bar
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize