i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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