I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Is it because I queefed?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
