can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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