saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think people are normalizing furries
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize