i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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