Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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