i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
