That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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