i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
