Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
