I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
