it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
