Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
