I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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