Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
