I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
