His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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