I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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